Photography

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. While Mr. Smith could accept the fact that another man would make love to his wife to impregnate her, he didn’t want to be around during ‘the deed’.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I’m off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to. . . .
"Oh, no need to explain, I’ve been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I’ve made a specialty of babies."
"That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure."
"Don’t I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh . . . equipment?"
"That’s right. Well madam, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big for me to hold while I’m getting ready for action.
Madam? Madam? . . . Good Lord, she’s fainted!!"

OMGOMGOMG. That’s the best joke I’ve heard or seen in a year. I had to get my husband off his PS2 so I could read it to him too. We laughed for 10 minutes.
I’d give you 5 stars if I could for the wonderful joke. Thank you for brightening our day.

Any suggestion on where the photo should be placed?

Well i believe that a family photo should go somewhere where the whole family could see it so i think that it should go over the fireplace!

– although if you dont have a fireplace it should go
wherever the whole family is able to see it!
– like in the dining room
– in the mudroom
– in the hallway
– at the top of the staircase
– or in the master suite

For more than one reason.

Firstly, portraits are like family photographs. They are a record of past times, and were kept and looked at in much the same way. If you visited a geat house, you would not be shown a photograph album – you would be walked through a gallery to admire great-great uncle Cuthbert in his admiral’s uniform. Of course paintings on that scale are expensive both to commission and to house, which restricted portraiture to those with sufficient wealth.

Secondly (and again like some family albums) they were a way of marking status. Where a modern album might have a photo of Grandad on his yacht, showing what a rich man he was, a 19thC oil painting might have him posed in front of a racehorse, his house or his garden, or holding some emblem of his trade or profession – an engineer or shipwright with a ruler, a writer with a pen, a bishop with a bible and wearing his canonicals.

Hope this helps.

Check the Yellow Pages for local businesses like Sears Portrait studio.

of course i dont, but this is the net, one can say anything really,

is 46 to much or should i use another number?
doug good point, all these veterans with no images?

heres my flickr junk http://www.flickr.com/photos/hellas2008/

There is some really cool stuff you have done.
I love the presentation of everything.
"messin" What is it?
You are right though, it’s all about image.
No shame in manipulating it a little to convey the right message.
Poetic licence.

I need to keep costs down for my wedding, but I don’t know how to go about it. I originally was going to sell tickets for my wedding, but after the reaction I got here, I think that it would probably tick off most of my guests, so that’s out.

I have no experience with weddings, event planning, or budgets. How do I make a wedding budget, and stick to it while still having an elegant wedding?

you are the one that decides on how much to spend on everything…i mean you and your fiance.
and you might want to make a list of your necessities and your wants
There is a website that may assist you and it’s free, www.weddingwire.com
Hope you can figure everything out without going over your budget
and congratulations

I’m wearing a dress for my inside poses and my cheerleading for the other but I don’t know what to wear for outside, I don’t want to wear the typical white tank and blue jeans.

Wear a single-color shirt…that’s what recommended because then your outfit isn’t as distracting. I’d suggest a pretty color shirt such as pink, yellow, light blue…that kind of thing that will go well with flowers the photographer will have at his house. Most of all, wear what you’ll feel comfortable in!! If you’re happy with what you’re wearing and feel confident, you’re bound to get some gorgeous pics!! Have fun!!

At the moment I am loving photographs involving peacock feathers, especially the eye feathers. What are your favourites? Please include links

I really love this one

http://www.aolcdn.com/ch_bv/labelle-newswire-335a032707.jpg

Me and my significant other have just had a milestone moment in our relationship, and are looking into the options of having some classy nude photographs taken of us. But we dont want to do have to pay hundreds for the package deals that some places offer.

What is the best way of finding a proper photographer, who can be trusted to do a proper job and not do something shady, without paying the big bucks?

You seem to have a pretty specific style and good idea of what you want. I’d recommend going to google and enter your zipcode and ‘photographer’ to get a list of everyone in you area. Then the long task is reviewing their portfolios and narrowing down the list to those who have portfolios with the style and quality you want. For example, if their portfolios only contain wedding photos, baby pics and generic family portraits, that’s one you almost certainly do not want to follow up on. Those that have a variety of tasteful art shots, including some nudes, they’re a possibility.

If I understand what you want … review the final list of candidates carefully. I think you’ll see that some fall into a category more suited for models for girlie magazines, and other’s are more personal and tasteful. Try to determine what the photographer is trying to tell you with the picture. Some will just scream ‘hey look at the nekkid people’ and others will tell the kind of story you want your photos to tell.

You should be down to a very short list of photographers at that point and then it’s a matter discussing the details and costs.

Good luck!

I’m looking for a new lense for my Nikon 5000 DSL camera. I’m an amature who is looking at increasing her photography skills and want to know type of lense photographers use to take pictures of people and babies that produce such vivid and clear pictures. Any help with this would be appreciated!

Good portrait lenses are the 50mm f1.8 (cheapest, yet excellent quality – but will not autofocus on your D5000, you’ll have to manually focus). Also the 85mm f1.8 (again no AF on your camera) and the 24-70mm f2.8.

Lighting is also key to good portraiture – lighting should be ’subject driven’ – babies are plump & soft, so you need soft, high key lighting.